Loving Instead of Lecturing

"I hate night class. My throat is on fire—"

 

During the lengthy pause, I wondered why I had answered my cell.

 

"—and I got a 65 on the test."

 

Kyle's cranky attitude set my stress on fire.

Twice a week, he griped about Spanish night class and twice a week I lectured about ten key ways to study for college.

I gripped the phone. The semester ended in a few weeks. Not much time left to pull up his grade. "Come home and we'll talk about it."

 

He cut our connection with a typical, "Whatever".

 

What did he expect? You have to work hard in college—even if you are still in high school. His college transcript reflected these grades. That's what dual credit meant.

 

That's not what he needs to hear.

Lord, of course that's what he needs to hear. Slacking off is not an option. Where's his drive? His motivation?

 

Love on him. No lectures. No advice.

Over the last year, I'd given a lot of advice in an attempt to fix him. Study more. Use better time management. Make a plan.

Beg for extra credit.

 

Love is the fix.

This has nothing to do with love, Lord. Love doesn't motivate him or push him to try harder. Look at all the mistakes I made when I was seventeen. I didn't realize my choices then would affect my life now.

 

 

This isn't about you. Love on him.

The garage door opened with a slow grind and a few seconds later, the back door slammed. Kyle wandered in, dropped his backpack on the couch, and kicked off his shoes in the middle of the hallway. I opened my mouth—

 

 

Love on him

 

—closed it and wrapped my arms around him. Taller than me, he rested his chin on the top of my head. Where was my little boy?

 

He shivered. "I'm cold and my throat hurts."

 

Ah, there he was.

 

 

Love on him. Say the opposite of what you want to say.

 

I wanted to say, you were sick last week. Instead, I hugged him tighter and mumbled into his chest. "Do you want to take a hot bath? I can make you some hot chocolate." I waited for his standard, "whatever".

 

 

It didn't come. He pulled back and lifted the corners of his mouth, just a bit. "A bath and hot chocolate?" His smile deepened. "You gonna run this bath and make the hot chocolate?"

 

 

I headed into the kitchen and grabbed a mug. "Right now.

 

 

"We're not gonna talk about the test?"

 

"Nope." I filled the cup with milk and stuck in the microwave.

 

He picked up his backpack and shoes and headed for the stairs. "Cool. Be right back."

 

 

I slumped against the counter. You were right, Lord. You always are.

 

Kyle needed loving, not fixing. He needed understanding, not pressure—so he could relax, renew, and recharge.

 

Exactly the way I do when Jesus loves on me.

 

Now, Lord, help me remember that next week.

 

 

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God" (1 John 4:7 NIV).

 

 

Lori Freeland is a freelance author from Dallas, TX with a passion to share her experiences in hopes of connecting with other women tackling the same issues. She holds a bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and is a full time home school mom. You can visit her blog at http://lafreeland.wordpress.com/.

Work Successfully with Difficult People

resource from: Whitney Hopler/ Editor's note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Elizabeth B. Brown's new book, Working Successfully with Screwed-Up People (Revell, 2012).

 

People who don't really listen to what others have to say, people who won't cooperate with others, people who offend others with their rude or mean-spirited words and actions … unfortunately, every workplace in this fallen world is full of people who are messed up. Factor in the personality clashes that occur on the job, and it's easy to see why many people struggle with how to get along with the people around them at work.

 

But with God's help, it is possible to work successfully with difficult coworkers, customers, or supervisors. Here's how:

 

 

Realize that just one person – you – can change a relationship for the better. You don't have to wait for difficult people to change in order to change your relationships with them. In fact, often, difficult people simply don't change. But God has given you the power to choose to be unflappable, imperturbable, and unflustered by difficult people. Whenever you make that choice, you improve the dynamic of your relationships.

 

 

Ask God to give you His perspective on difficult situations with people at work. Pray about each difficult situation you're facing with each difficult person at work. Honestly consider how much of the problem is due to other people, and how much your own behavior (even your reactions to others) has contributed to the problem. Ask God to give you the wisdom you need to deal with each situation as you should.

 

 

Defuse tension in conversations with difficult people. Rather than reacting negatively to negative comments that difficult people make to you on the job, decide to respond positively despite their negativity. Defuse the emotional tension by either politely laughing off their comments or making a polite, non-committal statement that you've prepared for such situations (like "Interesting. I'll consider that.").

 

 

Appreciate and respect the temperament differences between you and others at work. You and each of the people you work with has been hardwired differently by God. Don't waste your time and energy trying to change other people's personalities. Instead, realize that each of you can contribute in unique ways to achieving workplace goals, while expanding each other's perspective on your work. Don't view the temperament differences between you and the people you work with as personal challenges. Instead, figure out how to use those differences strategically to accomplish more together than you could separately.

 

 

Choose new behavior around difficult people to inspire them to change their own behavior. While people's temperaments never change, their behavior can and does change. If you change the way you react to difficult people's behavior so that they can no longer get what they want by behaving the way they have in the past, you force them to behave differently around you to accomplish their goals.

 

 

Communicate to understand each other better. Ask the people you're having trouble getting along with to meet with you to talk about contentious issues between you, with your mutual goal to understand each other's perspective better (rather than to debate). Ask respectful questions and listen carefully. Seek agreement, or at least compromise.

 

 

Consider whether or not your personality fits your company's culture. Every company culture has distinctive qualities that meld well with certain people's personalities and not with others. Ask God to help you discern whether or not your own personality fits well into your current workplace. Keep in mind that you should enjoy your job and see that you're making positive contributions there.

 

 

Decide whether or not to stay in your current job. If you choose to stay, know why you're choosing that, and also know your limits and set up boundaries accordingly. Think about how you might alleviate some of the tension (such as taking a sabbatical or changing positions within the same company). If you choose to leave, leave with dignity and express gratitude for the experiences you've had there.

 

 

Refuse to define yourself by what others say or do to you. Your worth isn't based on other people's reactions to you; it's based on the reality that God loves you completely and unconditionally. Don't allow difficult people to control your confidence. Instead, ask God to help you see yourself as He sees you.

 

 

Cope well with stress in your workplace. Even though stress can make you feel out of control, the fact is that you do have the power to do something about your stress. Identify what situations, events, or people trigger stress in you while you're working. Then plan specific steps to take to eliminate as much stress as you can and cope with what remains by relying on God's guidance to deal with it. Invest in your life outside of work so you'll have healthy relationships with friends and family to turn to after work, which will reduce your stress levels. Don't let your job overtake other areas of your life; regularly ask God to help you keep each area of your life in the proper balance, centered around Him.

 

 

Manage your emotions well. Your emotions have only the amount of strength that you give them. Don't let you emotions guide you; let God guide you. God will empower you to deal successfully with even the most emotionally troubling circumstances at work when you place your trust in Him rather than in your emotions.

 

 

Give and receive forgiveness. Rely on God to help you through the process of forgiving the people you work with who have hurt or offended you. Ask people who you have hurt or offended to forgive you for your mistakes.

 

 

Communicate wisely with difficult people. Combine careful words with kind actions as often as possible when communicating with difficult people at work. Keep in mind that they may misinterpret your words, but they can clearly read your body language. Sandwich comments about a negative behavior that they need to change between positive comments to make it easier for them to listen to you.

 

 

Handle bias against you carefully. Deal with prejudice against you in the workplace quietly, without rancor. Document interactions that show bias and remain calm as you go through proper channels (such as human resources) to deal with it.

 

 

Learn how to work with people of different generations. Some of the problems you experience getting along well with others may be due to generational differences. Focus on what you can learn from people of another generation, and be willing to help them learn from your perspective.

Never think you've done too much for Christ

resource article from Nancy

"And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple" Luke 14:27

Spiritual exhaustion is natural. When it happens, it affects our attitude and our outlook. Whether you serve in the church or the community, you have probably had the feeling at some point that you've done all you could do: "I've helped in the soup kitchen for years. I deserve a break!" Or "I've led this Bible study long enough. There are plenty of others who should be helping."   I've felt that way too. It's human nature to get tired of serving. We would much rather do our own things; we'd much rather serve ourselves instead of others.   Whenever I start thinking this way – that I've done too much for Christ – I try to think of what He has done for me. Jesus took up my cross and carried it into Calvary until His broken body couldn't carry it any more and Simon was summoned to help him.   I'm so glad He never said, "I've been enduring this abuse for several hours now. I don't think I have to go through this any longer. There are others who can take it from here. I've had enough!" Jesus told his disciples that in order to follow Him, they would have to take up their crosses daily (Luke 9:23) At the time Jesus told them this, they hadn't seen Him taking up the cross they deserved. But I'll bet they thought about it after seeing Him go to Calvary. They must have; not a single one of the disciples who followed Jesus to the end ever turned back. They all volunteered to serve Him to the end of their own lives.   I pray I wont ever get to the point where I think ive done too much for Christ. If I do, that will be a sure sign that I have begun to devalue what He willingly did for me.   For the rest of your life, take up your cross and follow Christ, whatever the cost.

Via iPhone

4 Things to Help Develop a Vision for You Life

Do you have a vision for your life?

Life is way too short and you are way too important to God and the plans He has for your life for you to not have a vision for your life.

If you don't have a vision for your life, you will take to your grave a lot of what "could have been"!

 

4 things to help develop a vision for my life:

1. Know yourself.

If you're 5'3" and 112 lbs. and 20 years old, you won't play middle linebacker for the Green Bay Packers. Ever!

• Who are you? What are your passions and do your passions align with your strengths?

2. Develop your strengths that align with your passions so you can carry out your vision.

• Once you discover your strengths– and this takes some time–develop them, hone them, and become an expert in them! This will take about 10,000 hours. Becoming an expert isn't an overnight deal; it takes years of grinding. Are you willing to grind?

3. Learn from people who are doing what you want to do.

• Learn from successful people who are doing what you want to do. You do this, not to become a carbon copy of them, but to see how they do what they do, and incorporate it into your unique God-given "you-ness."

4. And, finally, if your vision only makes your life better, it's way too small and self-centered. And that sucks!

• Have a life vision that when you die, not just your family cries, but people you didn't even know cry, because their life was better as a result of God working through your life.

source: just marinating/derwin gray

Enjoying the Flow of God's Presence

Enjoying the Flow of God's Presence

excerpts from ...Dawn Marie Wilson

Scurrying, hurrying, worrying ... that characterized my ministry a few years ago. As a result, I lost my health, had to give up a ministry I loved, and sat confused in my bedroom one day, wondering where I'd gone wrong.

                                      I knew that this was more than a Job experience. I'd made some foolish choices that got me into my condition. Yet I told some caring friends—wise counselors I should have heeded—that I had everything "under control."

                                      I didn't. I wasn't lying; I just didn't know how far I'd traveled into Crazyland. I not only couldn't see the forest for the trees, I couldn't see the trees! All I saw was my own agenda, and from that selfish focus, I couldn't see the signs God was posting to warn me all along the way.

                                      I was brought up short in a "Revival Week" meeting at Life Action Ministries. Dr. Bill Elliff, pastor of the Summit Church in Little Rock, Arkansas, reminded the staff and members of the revival ministry—of which I am a part—that "Everything flows from the presence of God."
                                      There was something about that word "flows" that captured my attention. Nothing in my life at that time was flowing. I struggled between dry and barren and a flood of activity. My heart ached for the peace of a "flowing" life.
                                      I decided that if God's presence is that powerful, I need to understand it more and be intentional in seeking it.

The Bible tells us that God's presence is inescapable (Psalm 139:7; Jeremiah 23:24), but I didn't know how to enjoy and rest in His presence. My personal "Quiet Time"—when I took time for it—had become more duty than delight. It was more about meeting my needs than meeting with God.

                                      Over time, as I focused on pastor Elliff's simple words, my scurrying, hurrying, and worrying dropped away. It wasn't that my calendar was less full, but that I was more filled with the knowledge of God's presence as I considered the activities of my life.

 

truths to ponder on from this article:

Discover the promise of God's Presence. Jesus, our Immanuel, will always be with His people (Matthew 1:23; 28:20). We have protection, peace, provision, and so many other blessings because of our Lord's ever-present shepherding (Psalm 23).

 

Relish the Place of God's Presence. God is before His people (John10:4), leading them personally, but also following close behind (Psalm 139:5). He hovers above us with His protecting shadow of love (Psalm 63:7; 91:1) and is beneath us, carrying us through the difficulties of life (Isaiah 40;11; 46:4). He is all around us, surrounding and protecting us (Psalm 125:2). Most precious of all, He is in our midst, delighting in our presence (Zephaniah 3:17).

 

Be more confident of the Power of God's Presence.Such encourages me in my struggles (Exodus:14), bringing me courage when I needed it most (Deuteronomy 20:1), and comforting me in my trials (Isaiah 43:2).

 

Learn to dwell in the power of the Holy Spirit. Rest in Him and not my own flesh (Galatians 5:16, 25).

 

Practice the sweet presence of God,Become conscious of what He desires.Let your life be altered in the Priorities of God's Presence (Acts 4:13). Have an increased consciousness of God's presence. Author says,  I changed what I talked about, what I watched and listened to, and where I went. I cancelled some activities completely because of new heart convictions. I chose activities that aligned with God's will and ways. I made decisions based on His callings in my life, not the expectations of others. In short, my character changed, and I made wiser, godly choices that helped me enjoy and glorify God.

                                      God is always there, but we wander away, or we ignore God, or we disobey and grieve Him; but confession of sin and repentance are God's solution to that wall of sin that blocks the sense of His presence. In the days following the revival meeting that changed my perspective, I tied a piece of red yarn around my wrist. Every time I saw it, I remembered: "God is with me, right now!" The reminder also helped me keep shorter sin accounts with God.

                                      The scriptures tell us that God is "not far from every one of us..." (Acts 17:27). What a blessing. God is our greatest untapped resource for peace. Oh, that we would earnestly seek and fully enjoy His presence!

Dawn Marie Wilson is the director of Heart Choices Ministries, and writes Heart Choices Today. She co-authored with Pam Farrel LOL with God: Devotional Messages of Hope & Humor for Women (Focus on the Family) and posts regularly at LOL with God. Dawn works as a contracted writer/researcher for two national ministries, is the San Diego affiliate director of NEWIM—Network of Evangelical Women in Ministry, and is a freelance writer with Christian Examiner

John Piper takes leave of absence

Well-known evangelical preacher John Piper announced Sunday that he will be taking his first-ever break from ministry to reexamine his soul.



Pastor John Piper announces on March 28, 2010, that he will take an eight-month leave of absence. Elders of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis approved his request.

RelatThe long-time preacher apologized to his congregation for not a specific deed but for the "sins of my own soul," "ongoing character flaws" and stresses that they have caused to others.



"I see several species of pride," Piper told Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis. "They may not rise to the level of disqualifying me for ministry. Nevertheless, while I don't think they do, I grieve over them."



Piper, who is considered one of the most influential preachers among Protestant pastors, made the announcement after preaching about Jesus Christ and the cross he beared. It was the first of four final sermons before his eight-month leave from the church and ministry.



In the 30 years he has been preaching, Piper said he has never let go of his passion for public productivity – ever. That is, until now.



"In this moment (the leave of absence), I'm letting go of all of it," he said.



That means no preaching, no book writing, no blogging, no tweeting, no articles, no papers and no speaking engagements – with a few exceptions that his wife, Noel, agreed to.



"One of the goals of fasting," he noted, "is to determine levels of addiction or, as Paul Tripp of Tim Keller would say, levels of idolatry."



"The reality check is what will happen to John Piper's soul ... and to my marriage ... and to my future ... when there will be no prideful sipping from the poisonous cup of international fame and notoriety," the 64-year-old preacher said. "I need to find that out and I don't know any other way to do it."



"I just want to preach so bad I can hardly stand it," he admitted. "I love what I do."



The break from ministry will also serve as a period for him to work on his marriage to his wife of 41 years.



The couple is "rock solid" in commitment to each other, he stressed, and there is "no whiff of unfaithfulness on either side." However, Piper said the term "rock solid" is not always an emotionally satisfying metaphor.



"The precious garden of my home needs tending," he told his congregation.



"I want to say ... to you, Noel, that I want you to feel precious, precious over the ministry."



Piper's leave has been approved by the elders at Bethlehem Church, which currently has three campuses. The elders have also appointed a group to stay in touch and keep Piper accountable for the leave.



Though future plans are not certain, Piper said he hopes to return after the leave of absence to preach for at least five more years.



"My prayer and my high expectation is that these months will be a launching for a humble, happy, fruitful five years – I believe the best five years of 35 years and the best five married years of 46," he said.



Piper will be preaching three more times, including on Easter Sunday, before his leave.


souce:
http://www.christianpost.com/article/20100329/john-piper-to-take-leave-to-reexamine-soul/index.html

How to slow your life down

by Rick Warren







--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



There have been times when I thought I was too busy to take time off. It

never worked.



Rick Warren

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



You don’t have to be a prophet to know that technology has ­­made three things happen in the world. It has made the world smaller, more complex, and faster. You live a much faster lifestyle than your parents did. Your children will live an even faster lifestyle than you do.



McDonalds® now offers a fast-track option so you can be billed automatically and shave 15 seconds off getting your burger. I read the other day that people aren’t buying frozen juice as much these days. We simply don’t want to wait for it to thaw!



As you and I know, pastors aren’t immune to these time pressures. With meetings, ever-shrinking sermon preparation, and a crowded pastoral care schedule, our office calendar can stay full if we’re not careful. Then we get home and rush our kids to after-school events, grab a quick dinner, run to the hospital, go home, jump in bed, and hope there are no late-night phone calls.



We can identify with what a USA Today article said about life for many people. “Today people are souped up, stressed out, and over scheduled. In this brave new world boundaries between work and family are disappearing. Everybody is mobile and every moment is scheduled.”



The Bible tells us that hurry and worry and scurry have dramatic negative effects on our life and ministries. If you’re serious about slowing your life down to a more humane pace of life, you’re going to have to make five counter-cultural changes in your lifestyle.



Learn contentment. It starts in the heart. Paul says this about contentment in Philippians 4:12 (NIV): “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation.” Whether we’re pastors or not, it’s not in our nature to be content. We want life to be different – better. But we can’t slow down our lives unless we start being content with what we have.



Contentment doesn’t mean you don’t want your church to grow. Contentment doesn’t mean you don’t go after your God-given vision for your church. It just means a bigger church won’t make you any happier. Your relationship with Christ is where you find your true joy. Until you come to that conclusion, you won’t slow down.





Obey the fourth commandment. Most of us would bristle if we were told that we were consistently breaking the Ten Commandments. But, pastor, many of us are. Remember, the fourth commandment? We’re to take one day off every week. Are you doing that? For most of us, that’s not Sunday. We’re preaching, meeting with people, and overseeing the worship services – we’re not resting. It doesn’t matter which day it is, but we need a day off.

There have been times when I thought I was too busy to take time off. It never worked. I became more irritated with my family. I became more tired. And I didn’t get as much done. It was so prideful of me to think that what I was doing at that moment was more important than listening to what God said about how he made me.



I live a very fast life. But every Monday I stop and slow down. I’m not available on Monday. I know a pastor who had a member get mad at him because he tried to call him several times on Monday and couldn’t get a hold of him. The pastor said, “Sorry, but that’s my day off.” The member said, “The devil doesn’t take a day off.” And the pastor said, “You’re right. And if I didn’t, I’d be just like the devil.”



Pause and pray before deciding. Stop and pray about the decisions you make on a regular basis. That doesn’t mean you wait a year before deciding something. I’m talking about 10 to 15 seconds. As you sit in an elders meeting or a counseling session, ask “God, what do you want me to do in this instance?”

How does this help you slow down? You’re pausing to get perspective. Perspective is what helps you make wise decisions. Most of us just want to make decisions faster, but it’s perspective that really makes better decisions.



Learn to say no. You can’t keep adding things to your schedule without eliminating some. Every time you add a new activity to your schedule, you need to take something off. Whenever I used to see one of my mentors, Peter Drucker, he would say, “Don’t tell me what new thing you’re doing. Tell me what you’ve stopped doing.” The mark of leadership is knowing what not to do.

Most of us have a hard time saying no to opportunities. So ask yourself two questions every time you’re given a new opportunity.



Is it worth it? With every opportunity you’re given, you need to ask yourself whether it’s worth your energy, effort, reputation, and ultimately, your time. Your time is your life. And you need to decide whether the new opportunity is worth a portion of your life.





What am I going to give up? You can’t just keep adding, adding, and adding. You have to give something up to take hold of an opportunity. What will it be?





Trust God’s timing. Impatience is often why we hurry. It’s simply a lack of trust. When you’re impatient you’re saying, “God, I don’t really trust you. I don’t think you have my best interest at heart. You don’t know when I need it, and I’m in a hurry.” Is fast always better? No. It is not. Not always.

God has a plan for your life. You know that. But he also has a timetable for your life – and a timetable for your church for that matter. Unfortunately, God never explains his timetable. And that can be frustrating! At Saddleback we waited for years to get our own land and our own building. I couldn’t understand God’s timing. But God knew exactly what he was doing. Our church campus is visible from one of the busiest freeways in our community. It was a freeway that didn’t exist when we first started looking for land. That’s God’s timing.



It’s painful when you’re in a hurry and God’s not. But it’s part of maturing, part of growing up. Children have to learn the difference between “no” and “not yet.” God knows the right time and the right way. He has a plan and a timetable.



Ministry is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. God doesn’t want you to burn out. Whether you’re 30 or 70, he doesn’t want to wear you out before he can complete his purposes through you. Learning to slow down might be the most important ministry skill you learn this year.