God Has a Mission for Your Family

Crosswalk/ Whitney Hopler

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Ann Dunagan's book, The Mission-Minded Family: Releasing Your Family to God's Destiny, (Authentic Books, 2007).  

 

God's call to reach lost people with the Gospel is for all believers – adults and children alike. Your whole family can go on a lifelong mission together to share the hope found only in Christ. Answering God's call to focus your family outward can bless each of you as you all bless others.

 

Here's how you can pursue mission work as a family:

 

View your family as a vehicle for ministry. Your family isn't an obstacle to missions ministry work, and you don't have to neglect your family to pursue ministry. Your family can actually become stronger as all of your family members devote themselves as a team to serving others outside your family. Your family and missions work are compatible and mutually supportive of God's purposes. Your family can play a valuable role in helping to expand God's kingdom!

 

Seek God's plans rather than your own. Instead of asking God to bless your plans for your family, pray for God to show you His plans for your family. Then base your decisions on God's plans.

 

Release your kids. Let go of your own agendas for each of your kids' lives and be willing to accept whatever God wants for them, trusting that He knows what's best for them. Help your kids discover God's purposes for their lives, and encourage them to fulfill those purposes – no matter where God may take them in the process. Just as God released His Son for you, you need to release your kids daily to pursue His eternal purposes.

 

Focus on eternity. Rather than focusing on what you can accomplish in this world, focus on what you can accomplish that has eternal value. Be most concerned about pleasing God and preparing for the moment when you'll meet Him in heaven.

 

Live in submission. Submit yourself completely to God and His purposes for your lives. Trust and obey His guidance in every area of your lives – spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.

 

Strategically aim your family in the right direction. Get to know the specific spiritual gifts and natural talents of every member of your family. Then ask questions to help discover God's direction for your family as a team. Consider such questions as: "Is your family called to hospitality?", "Is your family called to active leadership within your local church?", "Is your family called to specifically impact your neighborhood?", and "Taking into account your family's specific gifts, abilities, and resources, what are ways you can participate in God's Great Commission?". As your kids grow, pay attention to how they're developing spiritually, mentally, and physically. Challenge them to take risks to try serving in new ways whenever you sense they're ready to do so.

 

 

Pay attention to life's rhythms. Alternate between work, rest, and play so your family won't be stressed by an unhealthy lifestyle. Devote your time and energy to various activities whenever God leads you to do so, and your family will achieve a healthy balance appropriate for different seasons of your life together. Check in with God about your schedule daily, since He sees the whole picture and can guide you to what's best for all concerned.

 

Intercede effectively for people in prayer. Pray regularly as a family for God's purposes to be released and fulfilled on earth. Acknowledge your sin and the fact that you can stand before God as a righteous person only because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for you. Come to God with an attitude of total surrender and humility, keeping your heart clean and open before Him. Avoid broad, general, and vague requests. Instead, make your prayers specific, knowledgeable, and on target. Learn as much information as you can about the people or situations about which you're praying. Search the Bible for God's will and seek His direction on how best to pray. Make your prayers fervent and intense. Pray for lost people as if they're depending on your prayers and you're the only one praying for them. Create a prayer list your family can use together, to pray for individuals (like unsaved loved ones, and government leaders), ministries/organizations (like your church and school), and geographic areas (like your city and other nations). Use a two-fold strategy for intercession: First, come against evil and its influence on the people or situations for which you're praying. Then, pray for God's power to flow to accomplish the work He wants done. Whenever you sense God calling you to intercede in on an emergency basis, be willing to stop and pray right then and keep praying hard until the burden leaves and you get a sense of peace.

 

Use international holidays to help your family pray. Study the many different holidays throughout the world and the traditions around them. Then use specific days of the year to target different groups of people for prayer.

 

Manage your money to support missions well. Teach your kids the reality that all of your family's money – just like your time and talents – ultimately belongs to God. Allow the Holy Spirit to challenge every aspect of your lifestyle so you can make wise financial decisions for your family. Give generously to support full-time missionaries you know, and hold creative fundraisers to help earn more money for missions. If you and your family decide to become full-time missionaries yourselves, trust God for the financial provision you'll need.

 

Prepare and share testimonies. Encourage each family member to write down his or her own story of coming to faith in Christ and share it with other people effectively.

 

Plan creative outreach events. Think and pray about some innovative ways to gather people together to hear the Gospel. Have your kids reach other kids and plan some fun events for them.

 

Make use of your family's skills. The ways God can use you in ministry work are as diverse as the talents He has given you and the skills each of your family members possess. Try to connect each of your family's skills to some ministry work. If you've got computer skills, conduct training seminars or teach full-time missionaries how to use a new software program. If you can build well, take a missions trip and help construct a new church or orphanage. If you've got teaching skills, hold some workshops.

 

Release your family to God's destiny. Every day, renew your commitment to fulfill God's purposes in your lives. Work together the best you can, relying on God's strength, and look forward to the new adventures He has in store for you each day.

Published January 9, 2009.

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Adapted from The Mission-Minded Family: Releasing Your Family to God's Destiny, copyright 2007 by Ann Dunagan. Published by Authentic Books, a division of STL US, Colorado Springs, Co., http://www.authenticbooks.com/.         

Ann Dunagan is a homeschooling mother of seven and an international minister alongside her husband, Jon Dunagan. In 1986, Jon & Ann Dunagan founded Harvest Ministry. Ann has personally ministered in more than 25 countries throughout the world and she enjoys teaching children, speaking to women, and encouraging parents and teachers. The Dunagan family is based in Hood River, Oregon.

Loving Your Spouse's God-Given Personality

 

 

Joe Beam,Founder, LovePath International

resource: from CWalk

 

Over the last few days I've witnessed the same marital phenomena on four occasions. In each situation the wife and the husband had very different personalities. Of course, there's nothing unusual about that in it of itself. While roughly 80% of people in the USA marry someone who is similar to them in ethnicity, age (within 5 years), physical attractiveness, socio-economic status, and values, a large number of people marry someone dissimilar to themselves in personality or temperament. Theoretically, by marrying someone of similar background we accomplish a degree of familiarity that gives us comfort, but by marrying someone different in personality we "balance" ourselves in some ways.

 

So, it's not unusual to see that mates are very different while being very much alike. In my business I try to notice both similarities and differences, but I especially pay attention to the differences. The simplest method for evaluating differences (there are many, as you might imagine) is by evaluating two aspects of behavior:  

 

1. Does the person tend to process before acting or act before processing?

 

2. Does the person seem reserved and a little more difficult to get to know or does s/he seem open, affable, and easy to get to know?

 

This methodology has existed from roughly 300 B.C. so it's nothing new or novel. It does, however, work rather well in most cases. With those four criteria we can derive four basic temperaments. I call them: Commander, Communicator, Completer, and Calculator.

 

It would take many more pages than I have here to describe these temperaments and interactions. But let me address one small but important matter. It has to do with a common marital pairing: The Commander and the Completer.

 

The Commander tends to be a competitive person who is bottom-line-driven with a direct, let's-fix-it-now approach to life and a strong ego. 

 

The Completer tends to be a laid-back person who likes to think things through before acting, avoid conflict when possible and can be described as family-oriented, traditional, and loyal. You likely already see that these two temperaments paired together can lead to some unhappy situations.

 

Commanders will take risks. Completers hate risk and want security. Commanders want to fix things now, directly and bluntly. Completers want to leave it alone for a while and, if forced into conflict they aren't ready for, will often resort to passive/aggressive behavior.

 

This pairing can bring about many problems when the husband is the Commander and the wife is the Completer. But, in all four situations I witnessed recently, the problems were exacerbated because the wife was the Commander and the husband was the Completer. She wanted to address things immediately, communicate her thoughts bluntly, and force her husband to solve everything right now which in her estimation could be done if he would just do what she asked. He, on the other hand, wanted to stay very calm, think things through for a while and in some cases ignore the problem long enough for it to take care of itself.

 

In these situations the Commander gets frustrated and perhaps even feels vulnerable because her Completer won't stand up in face-to-face combat to resolve matters. In turn, the Completer feels disrespected, badly treated, and walked on. Usually, the Commander gets more forceful and strident as a problem remains unresolved while the Completer gets quieter and more reserved as he starts building a wall to protect himself from the Commander's intensity. Sound familiar?

 

Why is this interaction between husband and wife particularly problematic when the husband is the Completer and the wife the Commander? I'm not familiar with all the cultures in the world, but I've lived long enough in this country to understand ours. Americans tend to react negatively to strong, intense women because our culture expects the man to be the leader and the woman to be the follower. Yes, that is changing but it's still true in many situations. And Biblically-speaking, husbands are indeed called to be the spiritual heads of the family.

 

So, as much as it hurts for either partner to be forceful toward the one who doesn't share the same forceful temperament, it seems to be much more painful if it is the husband experiencing force from his wife. Culturally, even religiously, he sees himself as the leader and feels somewhat emasculated if he perceives she is usurping his responsibility. 

 

In each situation, I experienced great difficulty counseling the wife to stop degrading her husband through verbal attacks, countenance, and tone of voice. It appeared that at least in these four cases, each wife had lost respect for her husband because he wouldn't stand up to her strong personality and deal bluntly and directly with their problems. When I tried to explain that this forceful approach didn't fit his temperament, she replied that it should.

 

Does this mean that these Commander wives are insensitive? Well, it depends. Commanders can be insensitive to the effect their words have on others but extremely sensitive to anything said in reply and are prone to anger.

 

Does this sound like woman bashing? I hope not because that's not my goal. It usually takes two to create marital discord. And I've seen some of the very same problems with Commander husbands and Completer wives. It just seems that when the roles are reversed, the problems often intensify.

 

So what does a couple in this situation do to become happy? While no one can fix marital discord in one, brief article here are some basic truths that apply to all couples when dealing with their differences:

 

1. Understand your own temperament and the temperament of your spouse.

2. Understand what not to do when communicating with your spouse.  

3. Understand what to do when communicating with your spouse.

4. Learn and use a system of compromise that leads each of you to receive what makes you happy.

5. Follow through on this new understanding and methodology for the rest of your life.  

If these truths are properly understood and applied, couples typically won't end up in therapy or counseling. Often, all it takes is some careful study of your spouse to figure out what works best. And those who do find themselves in counseling can rectify their problems through an educational process. I know. I've seen it work repeatedly over the last decade.  

 

The bottom line: It's important to realize why your spouse reacts the way s/he does in certain situations. Is she feeling attacked? Is he? Is he feeling disrespected? Is she feeling unheard? Is one feeling overwhelmed with details and just wants the bottom line?

 

When we put ourselves in the place of the other in an attempt to understand, we often will find the best way to interact and negotiate so that feelings aren't hurt and misunderstandings don't take place. So strive to know why your spouse reacts in certain ways to what you say so that you can communicate in new ways that show respect, love and kindness.

 

Not only is it a more effective way to communicate, it is a more Christ-like way to communicate.

"...live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5: 2

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Read about more about the four temperemants in Joe's new book Your LovePath (to be released in Jan. '09).

Joe Beam is a best selling author and an internationally known marriage expert. He founded LovePath International, an organization that works to save marriage relationships from separation, divorce and relationship problems. If your marriage needs help, please visit http://www.lovepathinternational.com.

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"Find Rest for your family" ( with 1 Question survey :) please respond

Read the article and see which problem areas you may have.

Afterwards, we invite you to respond to the 1 Question survey (no names needed, just  answers) found on this link:

 

http://www.my3q.com/go.php?url=helpmeets/21678

 

 

 

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The following is a report on the practical applications of Tim Kimmel's book, Little House on the Freeway: Help for the Hurried Home, (Multnomah Books, 2008).  

source: Crosswalk

How fast is your family running through life? If you always seem to be in a hurry and struggling to keep up with your activities, it's time to slow down. That's easier said than done, though.

Real rest can only be found in Jesus, through the peace that He alone can give you and your family. Here's how you can find the rest you need:

 

Diagnose the problems. Figure out what kind of hurriedness is afflicting your home. Is your family so busy that you all can't relax? Are you uncomfortable with quiet? Are you seldom satisfied with what you have? Do you live according to shifting moral standards -- sometimes going against your convictions when it's more convenient to do so? Are you overworked and underappreciated? Do you worry about things you can't control? Are you only happy when you're successful according to how the world defines success? Do you often doubt God's power, grace, or sufficiency? Are you discontent? Do you lack genuinely intimate relationships? Do you have a tendency to try to control your life?

 

Look internally, not externally. It's unrealistic to expect that the external stresses in your life will just magically go away. But you can experience real rest inside your soul no matter what kind of stressful circumstances you're going through in your life.  Realize that rest is a choice make in any situation. Ask God to help you learn how to be calm even in the middle of a storm. Remember that He loves you, made you with a purpose, and guarantees you hope. Let those realities sink into your soul and give you peace.

 

Forgive. Your soul can't truly rest until you forgive as God calls you to forgive. Take an inventory of the people in your life to determine who you may still need to forgive for hurting you in the past. Then rely on the help God promises to forgive each of them. Once you give others the gift of forgiveness, you get a valuable gift in return: rest for your soul.

 

Live within the limits. Choose to live within the limits of biblical standards that God has created for people's protection from harm. The more you live by what the Bible says, the less you'll struggle with fear and regrets, and the more rest you'll enjoy. Whenever you experience guilt, consider honestly if it's alerting you to sin in your life. If so, be quick to confess the sin and repent, turning away from the sin and toward God. Every day, do your best to align your actions with your beliefs. Make sure that what you say you believe is what you're actually doing, consistently. Give every part of your life -- your work, relationships, etc. -- to God, without holding anything back. When every aspect of your lifestyle reflects faithful living, you can experience genuine rest.

 

Look at life with an eternal perspective. Ask God to give you His perspective on your life so you won't waste time or energy on pursuits that don't really matter. Recognize that people are more important than personal gain. Invest in relationships first and foremost, since love is eternal. Never sacrifice what's permanent on the altar of what's immediate. Don't let each day's urgent issues that come up distract you from pursuing what's most important. Instead of fearing death, accept it as an inevitable part of your future, and prepare for it by making the most of every day God gives you on earth. Rather than trying to avoid aging, learn all you can as you grow more mature. Keep in mind that time will move forward quickly for you no matter how well you do or don't use it. Every day, thank God for the gift of the time He has given you, and do your best to invest it well.

 

Serve while you're suffering. Whenever you're suffering in some way, your relief may come not from the problem suddenly disappearing, but from the strength you develop from serving in spite of it. Instead of just waiting for the problem to go away, decide to serve others while you're dealing with the problem, and God will give you rest in the process. When you accept what you can't change and choose to serve anyway, you'll be transformed as you serve into a stronger and more peaceful person.

 

Manage your expectations well. Live to please God, not other people. The more you measure your significance by other people's expectations of you or by how well you think you compare to their accomplishments and possessions, the less rest you'll experience in your life. Discipline your desires by pursuing legitimate goals and making the most of your current circumstances. Ask God to help you develop priorities that will sustain you well and give you peace both now and in the future.

 

Steward your strengths well. Discover your God-given talents and spiritual gifts, develop them, and use them to the fullest. When you're a good steward of the strengths God has given you, you'll feel calm inside and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you're contributing well to the world. Read and study the Bible often so its principles will soak into your soul and you can consistently make the best choices about how to use your talents and gifts. Aim to use your time well, too, investing it generously into what has eternal significance.

 

Balance technology with the rest of your life. Use technology for your benefit rather than allowing it to overtake your life. Pray for the discernment to know when to check your e-mail or listen to your IPod, and when to log off and turn off so you can interact with other people face to face. Choose carefully which sites you visit on the Internet and which TV shows and other media you watch; make sure you only spend time on what's worthwhile. Give yourself adequate time for quiet reflection each day.

 

Bring rest to your marriage. No matter what pressures or uncertainties you and your spouse are currently dealing with, you both can enjoy a restful relationship if you remained committed to each other's needs and best interests regardless of the cost. Every day, pray for God to help you express unconditional love to each other. Learn how to use your differences to complement each other and enrich the life you share together.

 

Give your kids the gift of rest. You can pass on an heritage of rest to your kids if you make it a high priority to invest in their lives. Deliberately make choices every day to spend as much time as possible with your children. Be willing to make sacrifices in other areas of your life -- like your career and volunteer work -- in order to be there for your kids as often as you can. Do all you can to help meet their inner needs for secure love, significant purpose, and strong hope. Raise them in an environment designed to produce a sense of calm confidence that will prepare them well for adulthood. Give them rest for their bodies by making sure they eat a nutritious diet and get enough sleep every day. Give them rest for their emotions by giving them plenty of affection (meaningful touch and affirming words), teaching them to express their emotions in healthy ways, and helping them learn to base their decisions on unchanging biblical truth rather than on their changing emotions. Give them rest for their minds by helping them use their creativity to overcome restlessness and solve problems.

 

Instead of isolating your kids from exposure to different value systems, teach them the critical thinking skills they need to make their own decisions about values, which will ultimately help them make their faith their own. Give them spiritual rest by letting them know that they are deeply loved by a personal God. Help them rest in the eternal security found in a personal relationship with Jesus. Pray with them and for them, help them read the Bible, and participate in church together. Give them grace, just as God gives grace to you.

 

Bring rest to your work. Pray for the courage you need to reject the world's view of success and focus on efforts that are significant from God's perspective. Never pursue success as a goal in itself. Instead, expect it to come sometimes as a natural outcome from working hard and being fair. Ask God help you be satisfied with your current lifestyle instead of constantly trying to consume more, which will rob you of the rest that's more valuable than anything you could buy. Live on a budget. Get out of debt and stay out. Observe a weekly Sabbath day of rest. If your current work schedule is too stressful, have the courage to cut back to find get the rest you need. Choose time over money when you have the choice to make.

 

Bring rest to your relationships. Healthy relationships will help give you a restful life. Surround yourself with good friends who will support you and hold you accountable. Aim to be the best friend you can be to others -- someone who is loyal, honest, and sensitive. Find a good church -- a place that focuses on Jesus, respects the Bible's authority, helps people develop healthy family lives, and functions through the power of God's grace.

Adapted from Little House on the Freeway: Help for the Hurried Home, copyright 2008, 1994, and 1987 by Tim Kimmel, Ph.D. Published by Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc., Colorado Springs, Co., http://www.mpbooks.com/. 

  
 
Dr. Tim Kimmel is the Executive Director of Family Matters® whose goal is to equip families for every age and stage of life. A national speaker with organizations that include Promise Keepers and Focus on the Family, Tim has shared his message with millions of people. He is the author of several books, including Raising Kids for True Greatness and Grace-Based Parenting. All together, there are more than 800,000 books in print. Tim and his wife live in Scottsdale, Arizona. 

10 Ways to Tell You're Slipping

Joe McKeever

source:CrosswAlk

It's surprising how God's people awaken one day and suddenly realize they have fallen away from the closeness they used to enjoy with the Lord. The signs have been there all along, but they were not paying attention.

 

Here are some tests I have discovered for spotting signs of slippage in my own walk with the Lord, evidence that I'm losing the intimacy with Him that always meant so much in my personal life.

 

10. You know you're slipping when the big thing you look forward to on a Sunday is a football game.

 

9. You know you're slipping when reading the Bible no longer excites you, angers you, or challenges you.

 

8. You know you're slipping when you finally get up off the couch and get involved in some ministry the Lord has been laying on your heart and the first thing you do is start criticizing all the other couch potatoes who are only doing the same thing you have been doing all this time.

 

7. You know you're slipping when, after slacking off in your tithing over the past year, instead of feeling guilty, you find yourself criticizing the regular tithers for their self-righteous and legalistic attitudes.

 

6. You know you're slipping when you can read the Ten Commandments and give yourself a passing grade on all of them.

 

5. You know you're slipping when you can go a whole day without praying and it not bother you one bit.

 

4. You know you're slipping when you can have a dirty thought and justify it as "what normal humans do."

 

3. You know you're slipping when you feel a nudging from the Holy Spirit to speak to that person or give to this one or make a phone call to another and you squelch it.

 

2. You know you're slipping when you decide to reward yourself for doing well by skipping your Bible reading and prayer for that day.

 

1. You know you're really, really slipping when the problem of slipping doesn't cause you great concern.

 

Dr. Joe McKeever is a Preacher, Cartoonist, and the Director of Missions for the Baptist Association of Greater New Orleans.

What Drains Your Energies? (MUST READ :) )

Joe McKeever

source: Cwalk

Rebellious children sap the energies of parents, leaving them with no will, no time, and no strength for outside interests or ministries. The question before the class today, students, is: "What depletes your energies for God?"

 

As usual, I'll get us started. At the end, leave your own contributions to the list. Our hope is that someone will see himself in this and learn that a certain practice has been robbing them of their service to the Lord and will return to the Father. Luke 15:18 comes to mind. "I will arise and go to my Father."

 

Here are my top ten energy-depleters:

 

10. Compromise.

You're doing something displeasing to the Lord and you know it. The guilt lingers and weighs you down. When you try to read your Bible, pray, or worship, the fog is so thick you could cut it. God seems far away, and you know without being told it's because you moved. You're being torn down the middle and it's a miserable feeling.

 

Isaiah 59:1-2 comes to mind. "Your sins have separated you." Confess them and move back closer.

 

 

9. Nay-sayers.

The discouragers around you are constantly pointing out that you cannot do this, you are not the Christian you ought to be, the Bible cannot be understood, your prayers never go beyond the ceiling, and your pitiful offering amounts to nothing. To make matters worse, sometimes that negative voice hounding us is our own. You lose heart and want to give up.

 

Psalm 103:1-5 comes to mind. "Bless the Lord, O my soul." Speak to yourself words of faith. Believe your faith and doubt your doubts.

 

 

8. Nit-pickers.

A family member, a colleague in the office, or a so-called friend has taken it as their personal calling to remind you of your failures in living up to the standards you claim. Your clothes do not match, you need a haircut, why do you waste your time on those books or that writer or that church, why aren't you exercising more, you're putting on weight, and I don't think you're right for this. Of course, he tells you this for your own good. You leave your friend's presence feeling worthless and hopeless.

 

Philippians 4:8 comes to mind. "Whatsoever things are true, think on these things." Choose where your mind will land and come to rest and what it will feed upon.

 

 

7. Time-wasters.

A few years ago, we would have named television as the biggest time-waster. It still is for many, but these days, the tube has lots of competition: the computer, computer games, the telephone, worthless reading materials, shopping, mall-crawling, and such. Each person has his own battlefield in this regard. But it's not just the time; the problem is that it robs you of your energy for God or doing good or relating to other people.

 

Luke 18:1 comes to mind. "We ought always to pray and not to lose heart." The old hymn told us to "Take Time to Be Holy." It takes time.

 

 

6. Starvation.

When you're really hungry, instead of pausing for dinner, you gulp down a soft drink and a bag of chips. Now, you have stopped the hunger but you're starving your body. A few minutes later, your wife or mother calls you to dinner. You beg off; you're not hungry. You dare not admit what you just did. That foolish scenario happens spiritually, too.

 

Try this experiment. After watching two hours of television--especially sitcoms of the type the networks are running these nights--get up and go get your Bible and read a couple of chapters. You'll have to make yourself do it. After a steady diet of mental junk food, you have no appetite for real nourishment.

 

Matthew 4:4 comes to mind. "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God." And Psalm 34:8 "O taste and see that the Lord is good." You need to feed your soul if you expect to have any energy for God.

 

 

5. Fatigue.

You're doing good work; you're just doing so much of it that you're exhausted. When tired, you get irritable and are no fun to be around. You end up having to force yourself to do your spiritual activities. It's not an admission of weakness to confess you have physical limitations, that you need 8 hours of sleep at night and maybe a little rest in the daytime and a vacation once in a while.

 

Mark 6:31 comes to mind. "Come ye apart and rest for a while." And Matthew 11:28-30: "Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden."

 

 

4. Depression.

You are a Christian, one who believes your Bible and has the Holy Spirit, so how could you be depressed? Ever say that to yourself? The roots of depression (mental, emotional, whatever) are many and complex. You might need to remind yourself that some of the finest Christians ever to walk the planet have battled depression. You have good company. Those believers made the same discovery you have made, that sometimes you just have to get up and go on with your day while depressed, that you don't dare give in to it. Missionary leader and inspirational writer Elisabeth Elliot has said that when she's depressed, her method for dealing with it is: "Do the next thing." She does not make a long list of tasks to accomplish that day, but does the next thing before her, then she looks around and decides what is next, and so forth.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 comes to mind. "Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines... yet I will exult in the Lord." Praise Him anyway.

 

3. Rebellion.

Compromise is one thing; you rationalize a sin and turn a blind eye toward a practice you know is not wise and is hindering your spiritual life. But rebellion is another matter altogether. In rebellion, you drop all pretense about wanting to do the right thing. You enthrone your self and devote your life to pleasing only you. This really gets scary when you're in the Lord's service and draw a paycheck from a church or religious organization and yet are in rebellion against the Lord. I've been there; I know. People are looking to you for spiritual direction and expecting to hear God's voice through you, but what they are receiving is shallowness and staleness, negativism and putdowns, all bubbling up from the acid eating away at your soul.

 

Revelation 3:4-5 comes to mind. "I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember... and repent." The prodigal son story of Luke 15 applies.

 

2. Laziness.

Sloth. Idleness. Lethargy. Listlessness. Dullness. Slackness. Find yourself in any of these? You just can't make yourself get up and do anything spiritual such as reading the Bible or praying meaningfully or volunteering for a service project. You "just don't feel like it." Sound familiar? There's a law of physics you may be familiar with. Inertia is the tendency of an object at rest to remain there, and a moving object to continue moving. Now, it takes energy to get the object moving and it takes energy to stop it once it's in motion. Like priming a pump, we use energy to get energy. This pertains, whether speaking of the physical or the spiritual.

 

Proverbs 6:6-11 comes to mind. "How long wilt thou sleep, O thou sluggard?" Wake up. Get up.

 

1. Satan. The enemy himself.

You wondered if we would get to that? The unholy trinity of the world-the-flesh-and-the-devil are always at work to discourage believers from living the life Christ commands and we profess. The devil has had longer to study human nature than we, so he knows methods we have yet to discover. He uses detours, overloads, and even good works to keep us from doing the best things. He uses our diversions to sap our time, people to sap our joy, and work to sap our energies. Our time gone, our spirits depleted, and our energies sapped, we decide not to read our Bible tonight, to skip on our prayer time, and to get our rest tomorrow by sleeping late and skipping church. Chalk up another victory for the roaring lion who walks about.

 

I Peter 5:6-9 comes to mind. You know what it says. "We are not ignorant of his devices." 2 Corinthians 2:11

 

Now... take a moment and give us your energy-for-God sappers. What have you found that depletes your desire to get up and serve the Lord?

 

Dr. Joe McKeever is a Preacher, Cartoonist, and the Director of Missions for the Baptist Association of Greater New Orleans.

 

The Focus of Ministry is Focus

Ron Walters

source: Crosswa;l

fo-cus (fo-kus) noun, [Latin, hearth] 1. A focal point. 2. To concentrate. 3. A center of interest or activity. 4. To sharpen or clearly define. 5. The point at which an object is most clearly seen.

 

To the casual observer it might appear that Jesus was nomadic, wandering the dusty roads from village to village, dispensing his humanitarian miracles and pithy sayings. A first century Johnny Appleseed who scattered goodness seeds and golden rules like confetti. A kind of half-Houdini, half-Gandhi. A utilitarian genie who attracted disciples like stray cats.

 

But nothing could be further from the truth. Jesus was the most focused leader and strategic planner of all time. He was a genius in organizational development and human resources. He specialized in visionary management. The world has never known a better synergist, the church being exhibit A. His methods, though ministerial, have been the model for industry and commerce for hundreds of years.

 

His focus was constantly challenged, but he never wavered. He was harassed by the religious: "The Pharisees came out and began to argue with Him." His disciples volunteered new ideas: "...Command fire to come down from heaven to consume them." Even His family questioned his actions: "Why have you treated us this way?" His hometown friends, the ones who had watched Him grow up, "took offense at Him." Satan, too, took his best shot. "All the kingdoms of the world, and their glory, will I give you if you fall down and worship me." But Jesus was resolute with focus.

 

 

Though simple, Jesus' ministerial focus was profound and permanent. It has served as the template for every true disciple since.

 

First, Jesus focused His mission in doing God's will. Nothing was more important to Him. "My priority is to do the will of Him who sent me, and to accomplish His work." John Stott, in The Preacher's Portrait wrote, "I can't help wondering if this is why there are so few preachers God is using today. There are plenty of popular preachers but not many who preach in the power of the Holy Spirit." Stott wonders if preaching God's will is too costly for the preacher. It was costly for Jesus, too. But He remained focused.

 

Second, Jesus focused His topics of conversations. Every dialogue was deliberate. No words were wasted or lost; they were customized for each audience. "The words which you gave to me, I have given to them." His material was fresh and applicable. To the hurting, He spoke of hope. At a funeral, He spoke of life. To the blind, he spoke of light. To the leper, He offered His touch. To the theologians, He spoke theology. To normal people, He sounded normal. For everyone he put the cookies on the bottom shelf. And they loved Him for it.

 

Third, Jesus focused His message to a target audience. "I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance." He gravitated to the needy and the growing. He did not seek out the comfortable or stagnant. His ministry was one of depth, not breadth. He would hideaway with His students for in-depth training. He commanded others to "tell no one." He was unshaken when thousands walked out during His message claiming "this is too difficult." On the night before the crucifixion, Jesus had an audience with numerous Jewish and Roman power brokers "yet He opened not His mouth."

 

Finally, Jesus focused His energies toward His replacements. "As you have sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world." He chose an even-dozen from hundreds of candidates. For three years they stopped, looked, and listened. They heard it all, saw it all, and were involved in dozens of miraculous works. Jesus held nothing back from them. He schooled them in every phase of ministry. They saw him laugh, weep, teach, pray, challenge, rest, serve, heal, answer, and lead. When it was their turn they never asked "How?" They were focused.

 

Our work is demanding but the model of our Teacher is simple: Focus.

 

Ron Walters
Vice President of Church Relations

Speak Your Spouse's Language

Whitney Hopler

source: Cw 

Your husband seems to say one thing yet do another. Your wife seems to expect you to read her mind. You and your spouse are frustrated that what you heard each other say wasn't what was meant. Sometimes it can be like your spouse is speaking a different language from yours -- one you don't understand.

But you can learn to speak your spouse's language when you work on communication skills in your marriage. Here's how:

Make your marriage a covenant, not just a contract. God intended marriage to be much more than the contractual relationship it typically is in our society. Viewed as a contract, marriage is simply about what and your spouse agree to do for each other (and if either of you fail, the relationship can be canceled). But God designed marriage to be a covenant, a permanent relationship that's built on unconditional love. The first step in effectively communicating with your spouse is for both of you to view your marriage as a covenant. Be willing to love your spouse with a steadfast love. Decide to focus on what you can do for your spouse, instead of on what you want your spouse to do for you.

Realize that communication leads to intimacy. The better you and your spouse communicate, the closer your relationship will become. Aim to build intimacy by focusing on your communication skills. Think of how loved you each will feel in a truly intimate marriage, and let that thought motivate you to improve the way you communicate.

Plan a daily sharing time with your spouse. Schedule a time each day or night to give each other a few minutes of undivided attention.

Take turns asking each other to share three experiences that happened in your lives today and how you feel about them.

Change unhealthy communication patterns. Instead of trying to achieve peace at any price, recognize that conflict is necessary to deal with issues and find solutions to problems. Rather than blaming your spouse for everything, ask God to show you how you've contributed to problems. Then take responsibility for your own failures, confess them to God, and ask for His help to change. Instead of expressing only your reasonable thoughts and hiding your feelings, realize that you must share your emotions as well as your logic if you're going to build true intimacy with your spouse. Rather than ignoring your spouse's offensive actions or comments, hoping that they'll go away, realize that the problems between you will never go away on their own. The only way to get them to go away is to work together to solve them.

Raise the level of your communication. Get to know the five different levels of communication. Then aim to go to the highest level -- level five -- with your spouse. Level one is hallway talk like "Fine, how are you?". Level two is reporter talk like "Just give me the facts." Level three is intellectual talk like "Do you know what I think?". Level four is emotional talk like "Do you know how I feel?". Level five is the most intimate -- loving, genuine truth talk like "Let's be honest." On this level, you can speak the truth in love to each other. You can be honest but not condemning, and open but not demanding. You can give each other the freedom to think and feel differently about issues, situations, and people. You work to understand each other's thoughts and feelings, looking for ways to grow together in spite of your differences.

Get to know yourself well. You must know yourself before you can share yourself with your spouse. Train yourself to become more attentive to your five senses (seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting) to be able to fully experience situations. Pay closer attention to the way you interpret your experiences. Notice how the way you interpret experiences affects your emotions and your behavior. Consider what your spouse may have said or done lately that you interpreted in a wrong way.  Ask God to help you avoid jumping to conclusions about situations in your marriage, and instead take the time to find out what truly motivated your spouse to speak or act in certain ways. Get to know your emotions, what triggers them, and how the way you feel affects the way you behave.

 

Recognize your desires, and the different values you place on each of them. Consider whether your desires are good or bad, loving or selfish -- and how those desires and their varying intensities are affecting your marriage. Then come to understand how your behavior reveals the reality of your choices. When you act a certain way toward your spouse, you're making a choice, whether you're fully aware of it or not. If you pay more attention to the choices you're making -- even at the subconscious level -- you can change your behavior by changing your choices. Ask God to help you integrate your feelings and desires with your intellect and your will. Instead of letting your changing emotions rule your life, decide to live by the timeless truths of the Bible. Pray for the strength you need to deal with your emotions maturely, so you can remain committed to your marriage even during tough times.

Learn the art of self-revelation. Once you discover who you truly are, be willing to share yourself with your spouse in order to build intimacy in your marriage. Practice telling your spouse about your experiences, interpretations, feelings, desires, and behavior. The more you reveal about yourself, the less your spouse has to guess, and the better he or she can understand you -- which will draw the two of your closer together.

Clarify your priorities and goals. Aim to work with your spouse to grow together into the people God wants you become. Think and pray about your current priorities in life: your faith, family, friends, work, church, personal enrichment, etc.  Consider whether or not each one reflects what's important to God. A successful marriage depends on both you and your spouse bringing your priorities in line with God's priorities. Once you and your spouse agree with God and each other about priorities, it's time to set goals to help you accomplish your priorities. Be sure to make your goals specific, realistic, and measurable. Set goals for the growth you'd like to see happen in your marriage, and keep in mind that growth usually happens gradually, so be patient with each other as long as you're making some progress. Discuss your goals with your spouse regularly to keep each other motivated and on track.

Make time for what's most important. You and your spouse may be very busy, but how much are you actually accomplishing? Examine the ways you're currently using your time. Write down how you spend your time over the course of a week; then analyze the information to decide what to eliminate. Delegate some of your responsibilities, such as by having your children take over certain household chores or hiring someone to help with tasks like doing your taxes or mowing your lawn. Schedule time to be your spouse in focused ways, rather than hoping that you can do so spontaneously and having other activities take over. Encourage each other to take time regularly to be alone, and use that time to think, pray, and reflect on life.

Identify your differences and make them assets. Notice the many differences between your personality and that of your spouse: one of you likes to stay up late and one likes to get up early, one likes to save money and one likes to spend, one talks a lot and the other is quiet, one is neat and one is messy, etc. Remember that God has created each of you to be unique. No matter how much your spouse's different approach to life may irritate you, decide not to view your differences as liabilities. If you work together to discover how your differences complement each other, those differences can become assets, strengthening your marriage. Don't condemn each other for being different. Instead, ask God to help you make the most of your differences so that they'll enhance your lives together. Whenever you and your spouse notice how one of your strengths is helping the other in an area in which he or she is weak, thank each other.

Change defensive attitudes. Remember that your spouse is not your enemy; he or she is your ally. Figure out what's causing you to feel defensive in your marriage: perhaps self-esteem issues, unresolved conflict, or physical deprivation. Understand how you usually express defensiveness: through verbal retaliation, withdrawal, or speaking to your spouse through your children instead of directly. Whenever you catch yourself reacting defensively, learn from the experience by asking yourself: "What emotions did I feel when I responded defensively?", "What message did my spouse's statement communicate to me?", "What did my response, verbally or behaviorally, communicate to my spouse?", and "What did my response reveal about me?". Also consider how larger issues in your marriage may be contributing to your defensiveness, and discuss those issues with your spouse. Then explore ways of relating to each other more constructively. For example, when you want your spouse to do something, approach him or her with a request instead of a demand. Also, rather than saying "You should ..." or "You ought ..." say "In my opinion ...".  The more you and your spouse feel that you value and believe in each other, the less defensive you'll each become.

Build intimacy. Ask God to help both you and your spouse be transparent and open with one another so you'll enjoy the freedom to know and be known. Make sure you're each experiencing intimacy with God, since you can't be experience intimacy with each other until you each are close to God first. Communicate with God often through prayer, and communicate with your spouse honestly and openly each day. Confess your own selfishness whenever you recognize it and ask for mercy and forgiveness whenever you need it.

 

Ask God to pour out His love for your spouse through you and make you an agent of positive change in your spouse's life. Over time, work to regain trust that has been lost in your relationship. Develop stronger emotional intimacy by expressing love, respect, and appreciation to your spouse more often. Build stronger intellectual intimacy by learning how to listen to each other well and discussing ideas in ways that respect each other when your opinions differ. Develop stronger sexual intimacy by working together until you both find mutual fulfillment in your physical relationship. Stay committed to each other, refraining from looking outside your marriage for sexual fulfillment. Communicate often and openly about your sexual needs and desires. Look out for your spouse's best interests in other areas of your lives, too, to grow the kind of love you need to fuel a healthy sexual connection. Build stronger spiritual intimacy by encouraging each other to become more like Christ every day. Pray together, talk about what God is doing in each of your lives, study the Bible together, and serve God together through your local church and in other ways as He leads you. Dream together about the future, and ask God to make His dreams for your marriage come true.

Published January 14, 2008

Adapted from Now You're Speaking My Language, copyright 2007 by Gary Chapman. Published by B&H Publishing Group, Nashville, Tn., www.bhpublishinggroup.com.           

Gary Chapman has traveled extensively around the world challenging couples to pursue healthy, growing marriages. Since 1979, Gary has written more than 20 books. His book The Five Love Languages has sold 4 million copies in English alone and has been translated into 36 languages. He has also appeared on several television and radio programs and has his own daily radio program called "A Love Language Minute" that can be heard on more than 100 radio stations across the United States. In addition to his busy writing and seminar schedule, Gary Chapman is a senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, where he has served for 36 years. Gary and his wife, Karolyn, have been married for 45 years, have two adult children, and two grandchildren.