Markers of Effective Leaders

Written by Richard E. Dodge

source: LifeWay

 

Leadership is work, pure and simple. To be a good leader means you set the pace and take people to higher levels. Your leadership may be the difference between a class or committee that stagnates and accomplishes little or a group that grows people to become all that God intended.

 

But how do you rate yourself? Can you determine whether you are a good leader? Most good leaders have or develop the ability to evaluate themselves and reflect in what is happening in and through the people around them. Many times that still small voice that whispers in our ears lets us know whether we are good leaders or merely filling positions. Rate yourself in each of the following areas. Rate from 1 as low to 4 as high. 

 

 1  2  3  4  1. When situations change or something is not going as planned, I am flexible enough to make changes.

 

Flexibility is an essential of leadership. Good leaders recognize when plans - even good ones - are not working. If something needs to be changed, good leaders make the change. Even when conflict arises in the group, good leaders can resolve conflict in win-win ways.

 

 

 

 1  2  3  4  2. When opportunities present themselves, I can identify them and recognize ways to take advantage of them.

 

The information age presents us with new challenges regarding information. When opportunities present themselves, leaders not only recognize them but also know how to respond. When new information comes to light, you consider the information and determine how this information influences your situation and decisions. Then you respond and make necessary changes.

 

 

 

 1  2  3  4  3. When information seems confusing or contradictory, you can sort through the confusion to find effective, sound solutions.

 

Good leaders can see through the mass of information and material to identify solutions and options that will please everyone - or at least most of the people most of the time.

 

 

 

 1  2  3  4  4. When problems need solutions, I can see the whole as well as the parts and help identify ways to solve the problems.

 

Good leaders not only identify when a problem starts to grow, they also act promptly and decisively, and also can deal with issues and solutions. They know how to differentiate problems from people and solutions from taking sides.

 

 

 

 1  2  3  4  5. When too many alternatives are presented, I can see the pros and cons of each alternative and help come to good solutions.

 

Everyone has an opinion. Someone has said that if you got two Baptists in a room, you are likely to have three different opinions on anything they discuss. Good leaders know how to make everyone feel good about the solutions. Sometimes there is no way to avoid someone not having their idea or options chosen, but good leaders help people feel that they were not rejected even though their ideas were.

 

 

 

 1  2  3  4  6. When new alternatives are presented, I can sort through what needs to be added from the new and what needs to be retained from the old.

 

Sometimes our situations require changing the old with something that is new. Change itself is neither bad nor good. How we approach change and whether something actually needs complete or partial change can be what encourages everyone involved or splits a class or even a church. Good leaders can identify elements of the past that can support, affirm, or even enhance what is new.

 

 

 

 

 

 1  2  3  4  7. When new ideas are needed, I can generate new ideas or adapt ideas presented by others.

 

Good leaders don't always have to be the right person; they just have to see what actions need to be taken and how they must act when action is required. Good leaders listen for good ideas, occasionally taking two or three good ideas and combining them for outstanding solutions. Good leaders also affirm others for their ideas and always give credit where credit is due.

 

 

 

How did you score? If you scored less than 14, you need to seek help from someone who can guide and mentor you to become more people-centered and creative. If you scored more than 18 you are among the better leaders. If you scored more than 23, you should be looking for someone who scored less than 14 and offer to help them discover how to become a more effective leader.

Teachers Who Impact Lives

Written by Wayne Poling

 

Recently, waiting in an airport for my next flight, I met a man who in the course of a few minutes became a huge blessing to my life. As we visited with great excitement he shared about his pilgrimage with the Lord and the Lord's blessings on his life. With special joy he shared about a teacher who had not only taught him, but in his own words also discipled him. The teacher had taken a special interest in him both inside and outside the classroom.

 

The man went on to tell about the influence that teacher had on his whole life. This teacher had caught the true meaning of teaching: to see lives transformed. He went beyond merely relaying information and facts. His desire was for those he taught to integrate into their minds and hearts biblical truths that set the course for living. He had discovered the importance of not only communicating Bible truths but also living them.

 

Are you merely communicating information and facts, or are you truly investing in the lives of your members both in and out of class? Take a look at these characteristics of teachers who teach to transform and see if they are reflected in your own life.

 

• They teach with the awareness that God's calling to teach.
• They love and affirm the people they teach.
• They are aware of the needs of those they teach and are concerned about their spiritual growth.
• They believe in the transforming power of the Word of God and the importance of every teaching session.
• They seek the best ways to communicate the truths of God's Word.
• They teach in a variety of ways and use those approaches that best suit their students.
• They are experiencing the truths of God's Word in their own lives and teach from that personal experience.
• They are committed to personal preparation, which includes preparing their own hearts and minds to teach and preparing to lead each teaching session.
• Their lives "teach the lesson" by example.
• They realize that regardless of how skilled they are, their true power comes from the Holy Spirit.
• They believe that Bible teaching is not an end in itself and must lead those they teach to continue learning and living the truth beyond the classroom.

 

Don't settle for merely getting through your lesson each Sunday. Instead, resolve that you will teach in a way that impacts people for eternity. Make the necessary investments. Someday, one of your students will sit in an airport telling a new friend about a teacher that changed his life.

 

Wayne Poling is Sunday School/FAITH ministry specialist at LifeWay Christian Resources, Nashville, Tennessee.

Unless the Lord Builds the House...

by Barry R. Leventhal, Ph.D.

Two Becoming One

source: CW

 

One sign of a growing economy is the increase of building projects. And in the divine economy, the same is true. However else we may measure spiritual growth and development, especially in our marriages and families, one thing is for sure: "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain." That is the way the wise King Solomon put it in Psalm 127.

He knew what we need to constantly bear in mind: We are totally dependent on God to build our marriages and families. Without such a total reliance upon Him, all of our marriage seminars, biblical principles, and church activities are doomed to failure. So what does this kind of total dependency on God look like? If we are to keep from "laboring in vain" in our marriages and families, how can we trust Him in all aspects of our lives? In Psalm 127, King Solomon gives us the divine blueprint for marriage and family faith. This building blueprint comprises three spiritual bricks that we must lay in building our marriage and family life of faith.

1. Faith Building Brick #1: The realization that we are inadequate on our own to build our marriages and families (Psalm 127:1)

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand in guard in vain."

Most of us think that if we can just go to more marriage seminars or learn more biblical principles, our marriages and families will thrive. But although these kinds of things are necessary, without a conscious dependence on the Lord of heaven and earth, all of our good efforts will be futile and our homes will ultimately collapse into ruins, as many current Christian marriages are now experiencing.

Along with the truths of God for marriage and family, we need to seek the Lord in dependent worship and prayer on a regular basis. For He alone can "build" and "watch over" our marriages and families. The only way that we can truly reflect God's image in our marriages is to develop a faith relationship with Him and with each other.

 

2. Faith Building Brick #2: The refusal to get caught up in the typical rat race and workaholic syndrome (Psalm 127:2):

"In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for He grants sleep to those He loves."

It is so easy to get caught up in the worldly rat race to keep getting more and more stuff: working 12-hour plus days or husbands and wives both dashing off to jobs that will keep them in a lifestyle that matches the neighbors or that will get them more things to keep the happy veneer intact.

But the awful reality is that none of these workaholic pursuits will ever give us the sustaining joy and fulfillment that God desires to freely give us. Not only does He provide for proper seasons of rest, He also provides for us while we are resting: gifts like physical and emotional recovery; spiritual renewal and vision; new and wonderful surprises for the dawning day. Is it any wonder that so many Christians are collapsing under the weight of such an enslaving lifestyle? If we are going to rein in spiritual warfare in our marriages, for the glory of God, then we are going to have to put the brakes on our rat race lifestyle and trust God to provide all that we will ever need.

 

3. Faith Building Brick #3: The recognition that children, when God grants them, are His gifts (Psalm 127:3-5):

"Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

God is committed to glorifying Himself generation after generation. And when He grants us the gift of children, He will also empower us to reproduce a godly heritage for His sake. Not only are children a gift and a blessing from God to us, they are also His special disciples for the coming years, shot out like arrows against His enemies.

In light of God's total commitment to building your marriage and family, prayerfully consider the following questions:

1. Who are you trusting to build your marriage and family? Your parents? Your mate? Your job? Your savings or investments? Your church? Etc.? Or the Lord?

2. How much of your typical day is given over to work? To play? To rest? Where do you need to adjust your priorities and schedule in order to escape from the typical rat race?

3. If God has given you children, how do you view them? As a pain in the neck? As a nuisance? Or as God's gifts and blessings to be launched out for Him to make an impact for the kingdom and glory of God?

Seven Lessons from Summer Camp

resource from Shawn McEvoy

source: CrossWalk

 

It's been fifteen years since I last assumed the pseudonym of "Frostbite" for three months in the piney woods of East Texas . From 1991 through 1993, I summered at Pine Cove Ranch, a Christian camp for 6^th-12^th graders near Tyler. Every week, a new batch of campers would arrive, and along with my colleagues Bushwacker, Backfire, Fezzik and the rest, we'd herd them in for six days of water sports, horses, biking, Bible study, sermons, and silliness.

 

Fifteen years, but the experiences of those three collegiate summers have left me with a plethora of lessons that stand the test of time. Some of those lessons were - how shall I put it - more socially educational. However, I was able to distill the wealth of spiritually-beneficial wisdom into the following seven categories:

God doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called (1 Corinthians 7:17; Romans 8:28). This phrase was standard fare from the mouth of Ambush, our camp director. The truth in the statement extends back to Moses, Abraham, Joseph, David... just about everyone used by God for big things who, on physical examination, didn't have the degrees, stature, or qualification for the jobs that needed to be done. You've never spoken in public, acted in a skit, or led a Bible study? You may be right where the Lord wants you, so get ready for Him to bestow His qualification upon you.

It also works in reverse -- you think you're qualified for one thing, God has a different purpose. As a youth ministry major who loved water sports, surely His place for me was with the 12^th-grade guys and the waterfront. So why was I assigned to 6^th-graders, tennis, and archery? Somebody messed up! Turns out it was me, for getting insulted. I was in precisely the place where I could be of most use to the kingdom, and sixth-graders were much better at buying into my off-the-wall behavior than the too-cool seniors.

 

If you want to learn something, teach it (Colossians 2:2; Philippians 4:13). Surely there had been another mistake. I'd never handled a gun in my life. Were they actually assigning me to teach skeet shooting to junior high boys? I hoped the camp had good insurance. Actually, they had good assurance -- the blessed kind. I became an expert in shotgun safety and numerous other activities. The Lord gives you what you need via your willing heart. Incidentally, teaching what you don't know very well can even have great rewards: nothing I've seen before or since transforms a kid into a beacon of confidence like teaching him or her to execute an Eskimo roll in a kayak.

 

The kid with the toughest exterior on Sunday is the one who'll be hugging you the hardest come Saturday (Matthew 19:14; Romans 12:9-10). "Get with your kids." That's what you'd hear from a director if it was free time and you were caught chatting with your peers. "Love on those kids; don't indoctrinate them." That was the answer if a counselor had an issue with a controversial subject. "Put your hands around these kids, put their hands around the Bible." That was the goal. All of the above boiled down to time. Youth of any age watch how you spend your time. They learn quickly how important they are to you. They all have their issues but they all know when they're being loved and they all respond to it... in time. So give them that.

 

Life and Christianity are so much more than Do's and Don'ts (Romans 2:9-24; Galatians 5:13). I had come out of a fantastic youth group a few years earlier, but even I was bored with the tired standard youth sermon that had also plagued the young people I counseled at camp: "Don't drink, don't do drugs, don't have sex." Undoubtedly good advice, but why not? There were already plenty of them who weren't practicing these "greater sins." What, instead, could we show them about, say, rebellion, disobedience, covetousness, envy, and poor self-image? It seemed to me that when I encountered those who were involved with alcohol, drugs, or sex, they were using the temporary gratification of those activities to fill holes caused by, well, rebellion, disobedience, covetousness, envy, and poor self-image.

Living out your faith without inhibitions in front of young people is about as bold, yet genuine, as you can be. Modeling the truth of the Word eliminates the need for do's and don'ts, removes the need to ask, "Why live this way?" It's obvious when your joy requires no illegal substances, and when your love is unattached from lust.

 

 

It's good to be alive (Romans 8:6; John 10:10) I made $1,000 for an entire summer, got only 24 hours off each week, lived round the clock in sweltering heat with a dozen boys, had hundreds of responsibilities, lost track of movies and the baseball standings, went three months without a soda... and I never felt better, was never more fulfilled. Life isn't about building to a place where we can do what we want all the time -- that goal ends in becoming our own little gods. Life happens outdoors, with other people, in God's presence, for God's purposes. It's a gift.

 

We are the body (1 Corinthians 12:12). It wasn't difficult to understand the frustrations that our non-counseling staff often had about whether or not they were being used by God. After all, you interview to work at a youth camp because you have a heart for youth, only to find out you're a cook, a nurse, a work crew director. Out of the limelight. Away from the kids and the fun. Thankless jobs. But none of the great things that happened at Pine Cove would have been possible without every part of the body working together for the greater mission.

The body also has its imperfections, and there was no better illustration than Jiggs Gaffney, a mentally-handicapped man from Tyler who spent the whole summer with us -- not as a camper, not as paid staff, but just as himself. Jiggs loved Pine Cove, loved playing basketball and Commando, loved everyone. The place would not have been the same without him. It truly takes all kinds.

 

There's biblical application everywhere (Romans 1:20). Mealtime was an opportunity for selflessness. The ropes course illustrated trust and security. The whole system was based on service, sharing, and community. But the best application I took away was this one, which I penned for my girlfriend (now my wife) as she was moving away from me for graduate school ten years ago:

 

I used to teach archery at camp in Texas. It's the kind of sport where it's not hard to find a few life metaphors -- hitting the target, nailing the bull's-eye, missing the mark... But in the arrow itself, I found a wealth of lessons. It's such a simple, effective, and elegant weapon, with its sleek shaft and colorful feathers, but it can't function without help. It needs the bow in order to reach its potential, to drive it forward, or it is worthless.

The arrow also has been prevalent in my doodles for as long as I can remember, probably due to its symbolic significance in direction and guidance. But take another look at the feathers -- do you notice how one, the one facing outward, is a different color? That's called the cock feather. It's unique in that it must face away from the bow, or outward, in order to fly straight when shot. As Christians, too often we cover up what's different about ourselves, and we wind up missing the mark, or sinning. But when our unique side faces outward for the world to see, we fly straight and true, exploding towards the target in a glorious burst of color.

What is unique and different about you? Your faith, poise, depth, and grace, to name a few. Keep those true colors facing boldly outward; trust the Lord's aim as He pulls back the string; fly straight. Let Him choose the targets, and you can't miss.

Safeguard Against Workplace Temptations

resource from Nancy C. Anderson

source: CW

If you work with a Flirty Frank or Tempting Tina, there are some ways you can stand strong against temptation.

 

Coworkers often are required to work on projects or solve problems together, and the resulting closeness can build teamwork — but it can also build a feeling of intimacy. Be honest with yourself. If you're dressing to please someone at work or lingering in the parking lot hoping that person will ask you to lunch, stop now, before you've gone too far.

 

If you're in doubt as to what conduct is inappropriate, ask yourself, Would I do this in front of my spouse? And if you're still not sure, ask yourself, Would I do it in front of the Lord? (You are, you know.) Here is a simple rule to keep you on the straight and narrow: If you'd have to lie about it – don't do it!

 

If you feel an attraction to someone in your office and have romantic or sexual thoughts about them, consider a transfer to a different department, a different site, or maybe you should quit. No job is more valuable than your marriage

 

I wish I would have followed that advice. Because I didn't resist the temptation 25 years ago, I had an affair with a coworker. My relationship with Jake started innocently. I noticed that he laughed at the same things I laughed at, and he noticed that we both liked similar music, so we started to sit together in the lunchroom. We were just friends. . . until we weren't.

 

I remember the first time we went out of the friendship zone and into the danger zone. We were sitting next to each other at a sales meeting when his leg brushed up against mine. I felt a spark at the contact point and was a bit disappointed when he moved it. A few minutes later, he shifted slightly in his chair and his leg, from knee to thigh, pressed gently against mine. I liked it, and didn't pull away.

 

I should have. I sent him a signal that I was unguarded. If I'd moved my leg and not responded to his flirtations, I'd have avoided the biggest regret of my life.

 

After a few months, I "came to my senses" and confessed my adultery to God. I knew that I could not continue to work with Jake without being tempted, so I quit my job.  My husband forgave me and we rebuilt our marriage. However, the damage was devastating, and our recovery took several years.

Many Christian companies have codes of conduct that are safeguards against the temptations of emotional or physical affairs with coworkers. Here are some examples: 

1. People of the opposite sex should not ride in a car together without a third party present.

2. Don't make personal (non-work related) phone calls to a coworker of the opposite sex.

3. Don't have lunch with the same person every day. Move around the lunchroom or break-room and if you go out to a restaurant, go in a group.

4. Make sure that your e-mails and other correspondence are not suggestive, inappropriate, or flirtatious.

5. Talk about your spouse in positive terms, making it clear that you're married and intend to stay that way.

6. Be careful not to make any lingering eye contact.

7. The only appropriate touch between business associates of the opposite sex is a handshake.

And here are a few guarding hedges to plant around your business travel:

1. If your job requires traveling with another employee of the opposite sex, do not get adjoining hotel rooms. If possible, request a room on a different floor.

2. If you have to meet with that person, offer to get together in the coffee shop or the lobby.

3. Call your spouse every night at a designated time and give him or her full permission to call your cell phone — anytime.

4. Ask the hotel clerk to block out all adult TV channels.

Discuss these lists with your spouse and add any other things you feel are necessary. Then, give your mate permission to correct you if you go out-of-bounds. Also, know that the best defense against an office affair is a healthy marriage. Be aware of other ways your workplace or career could be a stumbling point for the general health of your marriage and then resolve to address those potential areas of weakness.

According to an Orange County Register article titled "Workplace a Hazard to Marriage" (11/24/03) working with people of the opposite sex can be hazardous to your marriage.  If you, as a woman, worked with all women, your chances for a divorce would be much lower than if you worked with mostly men. If, however, you're a married woman and you work with mostly single or newly divorced females, your divorce risk is much higher than if your coworkers were married.

 

 

If you're in a workplace that's a landmine of temptation or if many of your coworkers are swingin' singles, be on guard.

 

Many years ago, my husband worked for a company that was rife with temptations. The owner hired receptionists and secretaries who were usually beautiful, young, and single; consequently, it was not a healthy environment for married men. In addition, some of Ron's male coworkers ate lunch at a "gentlemen's club"—a fancy term for a topless bar.

 

They often asked Ron to go with them, and even though he was tempted, he never went. They'd try to entice him by saying, "We won't tell your wife. What she doesn't know won't hurt her." He would politely decline and say, "No thanks, I have a deal with my wife. I don't go to female strip clubs and she doesn't go to male strip clubs. They're dangerous places." These co-workers all knew that Ron was a Christian, and if he'd gone, they may have discounted his faith and labeled him as a hypocrite. I know that several men admired Ron's commitment to me, because they privately asked him for advice about their marriages.

Your relationship could be an excellent example to other married coworkers if you stand strong. So be bold and fearless when you're defending your marriage at your workplace. Resist and flee temptation before it overtakes you.

1 Cor. 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

___________________________________________________
Adapted from Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair Proof Hedges Around Your Marriage  (Kregel Publications 2004)

Author Nancy C. Anderson (www.NancyCAnderson.com) and her husband, Ron, recently celebrated their twenty-seventh wedding anniversary. Together they conduct couples' retreats and marriage seminars to help others to predict, prevent or pardon infidelity.

Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World

Note by Whitney Hopler: The following is a report on the practical applications of Jill Rigby's new book, Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, (Howard Books, 2008).

 

Many parents hope they can raise healthy kids by building their children's self-esteem and focusing on their happiness as much as possible. But the result is the opposite of what they hope to achieve: self-absorbed kids who grow up into unhealthy adults -- unable to find satisfaction, get along with others, or contribute well to society.

 

By giving children the message that their lives are all about their own fulfillment, parents are actually preventing them from discovering true fulfillment. Parents who are bold enough to raise their kids to be givers rather than takers, however, help their kids find God's best for them in the process.

 

Here's how you can raise unselfish children in a self-absorbed world:

 

Replace a mirror with a window. Help your kids see beyond themselves to other people. If you don't take the mirror of self-centeredness out of your children's hands, they'll become intolerable to live with when they grow up and someone else will shatter the mirror for them, hurting them with its broken pieces. Aim to raise your kids to become selfless adults who function well in the world because they have self-respect, rather than self-absorbed adults who can't function well because they feel entitled.

 

Take a hard look at yourself. You're an important role model for your children. Honestly evaluate in what ways your own lifestyle is either selfish or selfless. Are your good deeds mostly about advancing your own agenda, or about the people you serve? Do you rationalize thoughtless decisions? Do you make excuses for cruel choices? Do you blame others while forgiving yourself? Do you buy things in order to feel better? Do you discipline yourself to live simply and with contentment, or are you constantly pursuing more yet are never satisfied? Ask God to reveal your selfish attitudes and actions. Then ask Him to empty your heart of selfish desires. Do whatever you can to model selflessness for your kids, such as by: not allowing difficult circumstances to make you bitter, trusting God with your children, giving without expecting something in return, making sacrifices, displaying courage, and loving your spouse if you're married.

 

Accept responsibility and make a plan. Take full responsibility for your parenting so far -- and how that has affected your kids -- instead of blaming others like your children's friends, teachers, or neighbors; the media; or society. Decide that from now on, you'll change the way you've been raising your kids in order to change their perspectives on life, no matter how difficult they may be. Make a commitment to God to raise your children to be others-centered rather than self-centered. Make a commitment to your spouse to live with less in order to enjoy more. Make a commitment to faithfully and joyfully tithe. Make a commitment not to buy the latest products for yourself or your children unless you truly need something. Make a commitment to spend time together as a family regularly. Invite God to transform you into the person and parent He wants you to become. Study the Bible often so you'll be able to teach your kids God's ways. Live with integrity so your children can respect you when you reprimand them. Trade your pride in for humility so you can effectively discipline your kids, showing them that you're their authority because God is your authority. Follow your own advice, doing what you say, so you'll be able to successfully guide your children.

 

Take charge of your kids. Realize that children need parents who make decisions for them until they're mature enough to make decisions for themselves. Don't go to unhealthy extremes, either: deflecting your responsibility to take charge of your parenting duties and forcing your kids to be in charge before they're ready, or giving too much or too little (without regard for your children's needs) while depriving them of the ability to the mature and take charge of their own lives one day. Instead, build your kids' critical thinking skills in age-appropriate ways by allowing them to make the decisions that they're capable of making at each stage of their development.

 

Meet all of your children's needs, but not all of their desires. Refuse to overindulge your kids in ways like: doing for your kids what they can do for themselves, buying them too much stuff, not expecting them to do chores, not having clear rules, giving them things or experiences that aren't appropriate for their age or interests, giving them things to meet your own needs (such as looking good to others) rather than their needs, giving too much while expecting too little, and neglecting to teach your kids the life skills they need to survive in the world beyond your home. Teach your children the difference between a need and a want. Then make them work for what they want but don't need, such as by doing extra household chores to save money for a certain video game. Help them develop patience. Give them opportunities to learn responsibility by assigning them age-appropriate duties to perform regularly. Make sure that you not only explain how to carry out their duties, but show them how to do so, as well.

 

Encourage your kids to place their confidence in God rather than in themselves. Help your kids know who they are and Whose they are, learn not to think more highly of themselves than they should, choose to be obedient to God regardless of what it costs them, accept their calls from God, learn to listen to God's voice (such as by reading and memorizing Scripture, and listening to God during prayer), recognize evidence of God at work in the circumstances of their lives, serve God by serving other people (through opportunities you give them), and use their natural talents and spiritual gifts to contribute to others around them and help fulfill God's purposes for their lives.

 

Cultivate compassion in your children. Fill your kids' hearts with love so that, secure in the knowledge that they are loved themselves, they'll be able to love other people. Choose some of the many different blessings from the Bible and pray them over your children. Aim to show your kids how much you love them through your actions and words every day. Model compassion for them by letting them see you act compassionately toward yourself, them, and others such as your family members and friends. Teach them to get to know people to understand them, and to empathize with their feelings. Help your children learn to look at situations from other people's viewpoints. Teach them to love others. Practice hospitality, such as by inviting people over to your home for meals, opening your home up for youth group meetings, or welcoming houseguests. Do some service projects with your kids, working together to meet a need in your community (such as doing yard work for an elderly neighbor).

 

Build family togetherness. Strengthen your family's relationships to help your kids increase their sense of security, which will give them the confidence to reach out to others in love. Let them learn from their experiences in your family -- through good and bad -- that love is choice rather than just a feeling. Eat meals together as often as possible. Work on family projects together throughout the year, from making a time capsule together in January and planting a garden in March to going on a neighborhood treasure hunt in June and thanking important people in your lives in November. Help your kids see how each of their parts in your shared projects contributes to the good of the whole.

 

Help your kids learn how to forgive. Teach your children how to show remorse, repent, and apologize to others they've wronged. Forgive your kids when they do wrong. Forgive others when they offend you. Ask your kids for forgiveness when you wrong them.

 

Cultivate generosity and gratitude. Help your kids learn how to live with open hands and open hearts by giving them plenty of opportunities to give to others. Nurture gratitude in your children in ways like giving them less stuff, unplugging their electronics on certain days and doing simple activities together instead, encouraging them to pray prayers of thanksgiving often, and requiring them to write thank-you notes for gifts they receive.

 

Give your children opportunities to serve their community. Incorporate community service into your lifestyle on a regular basis. Consider participating in projects like: hosting a neighborhood Bible club, collecting and delivering needed items for a homeless shelter, visiting elderly people in your area who have difficulty getting out (both those who still live at home, as well as those in facilities like nursing homes), volunteering to teach a class in something that makes use of one of your children's talents, going Christmas caroling through your neighborhood, and thanking employees at your kids' schools through notes and gifts.

 

Help your kids make a positive difference in the world. Give your children tangible ways they can contribute to the world beyond their local community, such as: working on a political campaign, writing letters to the editors of newspapers about topics in which they're interested, contacting their elected officials about issues about which they care, and supporting global humanitarian efforts through charities working to help those in need around the world.

 

Parent with eternity in view. Remember that it's not your job to make your kids happy, but it is your job to point them to the One who can make them holy. Make it a top priority to help your kids keep growing closer to Christ. Nurture their faith so that when they're confronted with situations in which they must decide to respond either selfishly or selflessly, they'll choose to trust God and respond with the selfless love that will bless all concerned.

 

Adapted from Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World, copyright 2008 by Jill Rigby. Published by Howard Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, West Monroe, La., www.howardpublishing.com.   

 

Jill Rigby is an accomplished speaker, columnist, television personality, family advocate, and founder of Manners of the Heart Community Fund, a nonprofit organization bringing a return of civility and respect to our society. Whether equipping parents to raise responsible children, encouraging the education of the heart, or training executives in effective communication skills, Jill's definition of manners remains the same -- an attitude of the heart that is self-giving, not self-serving.  She is the proud mother of twin sons.

3 Steps to Finding YOUR God-given Mission

a resource from Rebekah Montgomery

Ever watch a water bug? It dithers all over the surface of the pond but never goes anywhere or accomplishes anything except feeding itself.


That is about what many ministries accomplish. They feed themselves and consider that success. That's not success unless God has called you to lead water bugs.

Your function as a leader is to:
paint a picture of a goal which inspires people to follow you
build teams to accomplish the goal
inspire and motivate the teams
lead change
establish core values
allocate resources
find out what's not going well and fix it
develop emerging leaders
 

You must have a God-given mission because your vision is the most potent weapon in your arsenal as a leader. So how do you determine what God is calling you to accomplish?
 

 

Step One – ONE CAUSE

 

Remember the water bug? Many things distract it.

 

Leaders can be distracted, too. But this is key: You need ONE CAUSE that drives you, ONE CAUSE that grabs you by the throat and won't let you go.

 

Here's some examples:
Paul was driven to take the Gospel to the Gentiles.
Dorcas was driven to clothe the needy.
King Josiah was driven to purge out idolatry.
David was driven to united Israel.

 

To lead, you must be driven. Find that one thing that you must do. Pray about it. Ask God to light a fire in your soul.

 

Step Two – EXPOSE YOURSELF

Don't give up if your mission is not immediately obvious. Keep exposing your heart to needs and solutions. Visit ministries. Volunteer at a suicide prevention hot line or an AIDS clinic. Get to know some single mothers. Keep on looking and be open. Paul found his mission in a dream when the man from Macedonia pleaded with him. Peter had a vision on a rooftop. Dorcas looked at her own neighborhood while Josiah discovered his while housecleaning. You just never know how God will open your eyes to the harvest.
 

 

Step Three – STAY CLOSE

 

When you find it, don't run from your mission but stay close to it. You will find that you have a tendency to run from your mission in frustration because you will see all that needs to be done and all you want to do and how little you can accomplish on your own. And that is just what God wants you to see. You cannot accomplish it on your own. Feed your sense of inadequacy. Stay close to your weaknesses. It will help you recognize the One who empowers you to complete the mission to which He has called you.